My first pipe. 10 bux well spent, can’t wait to try it out later!

Do I look like a Gatsby extra?

Very good day. He planned a date,

Very high. Just watched The Great Gatsby and I am so in love.

Preparing to fly to San Diego for a weekend with mama the last weekend of June.

Hoping to make it to New York sometime in September.

Planning to work my ass off all summer to move out and into my own apartment by the fall. 

Making sure I still have time for Jamesy and my boyfriend while accomplishing ultimate goal of escaping Auschwitz. 

Start a prayer circle for me. 

Peace n blessinz

How ya’ll doin?

I have spent my entire day in bed so far. Also I got my hair cut and colored.

James dean t shirt.

Gonna be one of those days.

Waiting for my last final of the spring semester, working all weekend. No days off until next Saturday. Yay exhaustion and depression

Why everything I do is never enough?
Why I’m not worth your time?
Why am I just not important?
Why can’t I find someone who won’t lie to me when they tell me they’re not going to break my heart?
My dad takes out all his stress and anger on me in forms of emotional detachment, verbal and mental abuse. My boyfriend can’t find 10 minutes of his time to send me something he promised 2 weeks ago, or to even check up on me to see if I was ok after my accident. It seems that no matter how hard I try and love someone, they shut me out one way or another. And its heart breaking that not even my dad can love me. I’m emotionally and mentally fucked up because I had no one to talk to for years. I’m always everyone’s therapist but no one is ever mine. My dad doesn’t know and doesn’t care about the emotional trauma I’m dealing with. And even if I told him he would find a way to make it my fault. He found ways to make me sliding on ice in the middle of a snow storm in may my fault. And ayanle doesn’t Fucking get it. I try so hard and I want so much for him to be happy. I dont ask for much, but I was hoping I would have a little more support I guess. my life is at its lowest point and there hasn’t been a single night in days where I haven’t cried myself to sleep. I hold everything in until I’m alone in the dark and then the black tear drops rush from my eyes. This pain is eating me alive. Please help me. Please.

I want to be understood. I want to be loved. I want to feel comfortable being who I am. I want to be free. I want to illuminate the darkest corners of my mind and really awaken my once artistic mind. I want to run away and see the most beautiful parts of the world. I want to wake up to the iridescent light of dawn gracing his face. I want my life to be a work of art. I’m an artists, writer, lover, friend, daughter, employee, student. But I dont know who I am. And I dont think I will find myself here.

I’m gonna run away and be a bar tender on an island where it’s always warm. Then I’ll meet jamesy in Rio when he’s done with school.

Didn’t even make it half a block after I drove away from his apartment that I started crying.