- Steven: Not bad, just weird and small penis.

Zac: crazy, small penis, completely full of shit, loser, fat, ugly.

Josh: liar, cheater, stupid, probably gay, not bad penis but never had sex.

Vitamin guy josh: racist, cute, dont know if he was crazy, abuser.

Tyler: craziest of all, not bad looking, ok penis size, controlling, stupid, self conscious to the max, daddy issues, mommy issues, fucking every issue ever, suicidal, ok sex, faked it a lot honestly :) 

Ayanle: Best boyfriend ever. best sex, best communication, best relationship i’ve been in, longest relaionship to date.

idk why i made this. 

cheating-with-bacon:

eastvillageshedevil:

My ex Tyler, is possibly the most condescending, manipulative, controlling, douchebag in the entire world.
And yes, I left him for a Guy I work with who Tyler always thought something was going on with.
I never did anything with that Guy while Tyler and I were dating.
I left because I wanted…

ONE: i saw your post considering to date him so dont pull that fucking bullshit.

TWO: The only reason im saying anything is because I dont play well with cunts who fuck me over.

and THREE: Look up the definition of boyfriend, because apparently that is “controlling” Yea i wanted to talk to you a lot, but thats because you were my GIRLFRIEND; AND giving your number to guys who hit on you, ignoring me for hours during the exact times you said you “werent going on a date with some guy” raises some suspicions. On top of proving my point that your whore-buddy wanted to fuck you. I was dragging some truth out into the light and look at you now. Youre getting defensive. I am happy with my new girlfriend. because she ACTUALLY IS ONE.

Alright then darling, you want to bring all this into the light? Let’s spill all the T.

one: boyfriends do not hover and cage their girlfriends from any and all social interaction with all males (even gay ones) because they is so insecure about their past fucked up relationships. Perhaps it was you, and not your ex’s that made your life so fucking miserable. Take a teeny tiny bit of responsibility miss kitty, before you start sharpening your claws. 

two: Talking to me all day every day and about nothing at all is not a relationship, it’s a sentence. You would make me feel bad for ignoring you for a couple of minutes while I was talking to my parents/needing to be fucking alone. And then you would try and explain for hours how you weren’t mad/upset that I wanted to be alone. Clearly, this was not the case. 

three: I only talked about being in a relationship with him because HELLOO he brought it the fuck up one night and it got me thinking. Check your receipts booboo. I don’t want/need a man, and am perfectly fine with being his friend/fuck buddy. I never called him my ‘whore friend’ before he and I started hooking up, and by the fucking way, YOU my dear ignorant twat, were always pointing out how every guy would love to fuck me, and you had no goddamn problem with my sexuality while I was your girlfriend (hostage). Now that someone else is kissing me, you is mighty butthurt about it ain’t you? 

four: Being your girlfriend does not mean having to rebuild your entire self esteem every goddamned day because you’re too chicken shit to do it your damn self. It’s called SELF esteem babe. I had to fix fucking every little problem you ever had and it got really exhausting. Me giving my number to a guy who was hitting on me was out of desperation for some kind of human interaction outside of work and outside of your insecure, crazy ass rainbow world of doom. I had no fucking friends while I was dating you because I didn’t have any time to talk to anyone, because you were blowing up my phone every damn second. 

Look in the fucking mirror. You caused this, you drove me happily away, and you screwed yourself over. You wanted to throw shade and try reading me for our relationship, but baby you can’t even spell. I’m glad your new chick makes you happy but I could give a flying fuck about your petty opinions of me, my decisions about my sex/love life, and my choices in friends. Get over it, PUH-lease, because I don’t have time for this. 

You are the most insecure man I have ever met and thankfully I was done with you quickly, or else I would have drowned in your sea of discontent and insecurities that haunt you at every turn. 

Go live your life and be happy and be successful, at whatever you choose to do. However don’t be pathetic enough to wish ill on me or portray me in such a negative light, because you don’t have the balls to admit that everything you did was wrong, and you treated me like a child. Even worse, you treat yourself so negligently and you won’t even attest to it. 

Sashay away baby. 

(via this-guy-is-tyler)

Bitter ex’s should pop a xani and reflect on their dumb ass behavior.

I am not here to be cute with you.

I send my condolences to your new gf.

My ex Tyler, is possibly the most condescending, manipulative, controlling, douchebag in the entire world.
And yes, I left him for a Guy I work with who Tyler always thought something was going on with.
I never did anything with that Guy while Tyler and I were dating.
I left because I wanted to and because I can’t stand being controlled they way Tyler controlled me.
Tyler says I ‘whored myself out just to be in a relationship when that was the one thing I didn’t want’.
Excuse you, asshole. He’s not my boyfriend, he’s a good friend who I like to have sex with. And quite frankly your ignorance is way more scandalous than my promiscuity.
If you’re so happy with your new chick, why are you still getting angry at me over things that ended months ago, and still trying to make me feel like I did something wrong?
I only was looking out for myself.
So fuck you.
I left for myself, not for him.

Reblogged a post of mine from a couple of weeks ago, that I had written about my current guy, Ayanle. I spend almost all of my free time with him and have been sleeping with him for about 4 or 5 months now, I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that when Tyler and I fell apart I went running into Ayanle’s arms and have been much better ever since. 

To clarify, although Tyler did make me extremely happy in many ways, and we had a good relationship for the most part, he lived 1600 miles away in Pennsylvania and had a tendency to be a bit controlling and I didn’t stand up for myself and talk to him about it soon enough, so I let it eat at me until I snapped and ended everything with him. He attempted suicide on quite a few occasions because of me wanting to leave after everything we had talked about; marriage, having a family, spending the rest of our lives together, and how head over heals we were for each other so quickly. It didn’t take long until I got overwhelmed and, quite frankly, fucking sick of having a babysitter as a boyfriend. I felt as though I had no room to breathe and had to check in with him for every little thing I did. He is a good guy and I did love him very much, however, I am too free spirited to ever be put in a box that way. 

When he and I first started dating I didn’t talk to Jamesy for a month straight, and that is just fucking ridiculous. Jamesy is my best-friend/soul-mate, whom I love and adore very much. He is a part of my family and knows me better than I know myself and we talk every day. Compromising my only real, honest to god, friendship for a guy I had just met was insane to me after I had really looked at it. Yes, Tyler really loved me and made me happy, but Jamesy does and will always come first. Tyler was very jealous of this and told me how that would ruin all my future relationships. 

Ayanle knows how much Jamesy means to me and when I had made plans to see him last weekend and had to cancel because Jamesy was coming into town, he didn’t get mad, upset, jealous or otherwise butthurt, because he understood what Jamesy means to me and how high of esteem I hold our relationship. That was huge for me because it proved Tyler’s haunting words wrong. 

I am no longer angry or bitter towards Tyler, because I know I hold just as much blame for our breaking up, if not more, than he does. He is a good guy with all the best intentions in the world and is a fantastic boyfriend, the best I had ever had until that point. Although his controlling tendencies didn’t fly well with me, he is now, as far as I know, with a new girl who I hope makes him very happy. And I can be 100% honest when I say that I hope he is happy and doing well because I know he deserves it. He was trying to tame a wild creature of ambition, dreams, independence and outlandish behavior and he didn’t realize it until my fiery temper got the better of me and I pulled away just as quickly as I had jumped into it. 

With Tyler I had found someone who could make me happy and give me many things I needed and wanted, yet at the same time, do too many things that went completely against my nature. Ayanle understands me almost as well as Jamesy does, and lets me be the way I am and doesn’t hold me back in any way. 

It was surprising to see that Tyler had reblogged my post about Ayanle talking to me about being in a relationship, entitled ‘Well last night was unexpected’ because I didn’t know he looked at my tumblr, nor was I aware that he still used the tumblr he reblogged it for ‘wehavepassion.tumblr.com’. He also uses a picture he made for me with his guitar in it as his icon. I know he must still hate me, but I can’t help but wonder if he ever thinks of me in a warm and loving light; remembering all the conversations we had had and the wonderful times we have spent together. 

Like I said, he’s a good guy, we just weren’t meant to be. No matter how crazy the circumstances were when we had met one faithful night on omegle. I think he was a waterfall crashing down and holding all the power, and I was a volcano engulfing everything with my own strong will and not willing to share the control over my life. Both very similar in many respects, however not meant to be together, because we would extinguish each other. 

I just got home from hanging out with Ayanle about an hour ago and saw that Tyler had reblogged something of mine so it got me thinking. Sorry about the rant so late. 

Actually no I’m not haha. I do what I want. yolo. swag. whatever I’m tired and I wanna cuddle with my Teddy bear. 

Night kids. 

I don’t understand a lot of things about myself. I guess I have also been lying to you by telling you that you will never understand who I am completely. In all honesty I’m not at all as interesting or different as I think I am. I am merely myself, in the most honest ways.

I don’t like to talk about my problems because I would rather not deal with them, and instead bury them until that feeling of pain is subsided. My problems are only mine to deal with and I would rather not burden others with my dark and twisted mind.  I cut through my own flesh remind myself that pain is only temporary and things heal over time, whether you do anything to help ease the pain or not, is irrelevant. 

I can be the life and soul of the party, or the wallflower sipping a G+t all night next to a few friends. It all just depends on how I’m feeling that day.  My music is random and my taste varies from Rupaul to The smiths, and everything in between. I don’t understand a lot of things, and I try my best to be as accepting as possible. I’m not the prettiest and I compare myself against everyone else I see no matter where I am. But I won’t ever not talk to someone because they’re not like me. 

I analyze every little thing anyone ever says to me, no matter how much or how little they know me. I feed off of other peoples thoughts and ways of thinking because I’m not sure I have my own mind set straight yet. I need to know how other people view me, not because I care what they think, but because I find it interesting to know how someone else can see things in a completely different light than I.

I change all the  time, and my mood is insanely warped and can switch with the changing of a song, or a phrase that gets twisted in my head. I am not loving or even kind, and I can’t ever stay in a relationship because they make me deal with problems I don’t want to deal with. I hate being in them because all I want to do, is  run. Nothing to me is worth heartbreak I’ve endured too many times. Pain is hard to deal with and I obviously don’t deal with it in any kind of healthy manner. 

I’m also as vain as Cleopatra and will be the first to tell you that. I can’t leave the house if my hair and makeup isn’t done, and if my eyelashes don’t look fake, I’m not happy. I thrive in vintage stores in the East Village, and shopping in Soho with Jamesy, because that’s where I belong. New York is just as crazy as I am. And that is the only place I feel I can be myself without any kind of compromises. 

I can fall in love and write love letters that would make you cry, and then I can turn as cold as ice without any warning. I don’t want to be loved, because I know that no matter how much someone loves me, they can  always find someone better. Whether they admit that fact or not. People like me are only meant to be enjoyed in very limited ways, and we are not meant to be put up with by someone for very long. 

Jamesy is my best friend soul mate, and that’s just how it is with us. Tyler said that no one would ever accept my friendship with James and how close we are because I always put him first and defend our friendship too ferociously for anyone to ever want to be with me. He also said that I would be lonely after James left too and I wouldn’t have anyone else. I guess I’ll take my chances.

  I can’t stand belonging to anyone anymore. And you can be mad at that all you want, but I’ll never settle down, or want to be with one person the rest of my life. I wander too much and have too free a spirit to do that. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to be hurt. So for a long time now, I have gotten use to not getting attached. 

When I saw myself getting attached to Tyler, I recoiled as quickly as I could and got the fuck out of that situation. I’m sorry I ever let it get that far, because I hurt a really good guy who always deserved better than me. 

I can’t see myself getting married or having children or even being with one person for more than a year. I can’t do it. It scares me, being that involved with someone. I would rather be on my own, and do whatever I want with who ever I want whenever I want.  I don’t care if that makes me a slut, or too wild. It’s what I want, and frankly, I am going to live life large, and make no apologies for who the fuck I am. 

I’m so fucking anxious about leaving and skipping work and calling in ‘sick’ for three days in a row this weekend.

It has been on my mind none stop for days, and it almost makes me sick to my stomach. My parents think I have the time off approved and that my boss knows I’m not gonna be in. When in reality I’ll be in New York and then Pennsylvania. 

If I get fired, I will kill myself. I will not be getting a new car because I won’t be able to afford one, my phone and insurance bills won’t get payed, and I won’t have any gas money. 

I need this trip, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing Marylin and Ty, but the chance that I may get fired over it, scares the shit out of me. 

I have been hiding so many things from absolutely everyone. I know how well I can hide things, and this is just one of many things, that has been making me miserable. 

No, Tyler. YOU are NOT, making me miserable. I know that’s immediately what you’re going to think.

I’m just stressed and depressed, and ready to drink until I die.

Judy Garland cocktails anyone?

I felt like I was leaving everything I had worked for years to get, behind. It was as if all the nights crying and begging to find who I was as a person were for nothing. As long as I was you’re girlfriend, you didn’t care about anything else. You refused to hear about a huge part of my life that literally means the world to me. I was stupid for letting this new found relationship get the better of me. However, at some point, were you ever going to look past what you only saw on the outside and see what lay beyond my smile? You don’t really know me, not like James does. And frankly, I’m cautious to let you in again because when I tried, you wanted nothing to do with it. Maybe this is all my fault, and I’m sure I have to take most of the responsibility for it anyways. But it hurts knowing someone who says they love you, doesn’t even fully know or understand you. It’s shitty knowing only pieces of you are worth loving and sticking around for. 

You were outraged at my stubbornness and defensiveness over my only friendship. But that was one piece of my life that I will never surrender, because it’s one of the main reasons I’m still here and why I am who I am. New York and James are a part of me and they always will be. I hate the fact that you said “No one is ever going to except your friendship with him when you’re in a relationship, because you defend it so much.” Well then I guess I’m gonna be alone for a long time aren’t I? And you know what? That’s no longer your problem. 

I’m upset, and even though I don’t show you, because I know you won’t give a fuck, I’m hurting on the inside. I thought I found someone who would accept every part of me and all the crazy and fucked up twists and turns of my past and who I am now because of it. But no, I had to change and hide things because you didn’t want to hear them, or it made you upset if you did. I really learned a huge lesson because of you, and I don’t hate you by any means. I shouldn’t have been so stupid as to let you change who I am. Luckily, I caught it  before it was too late. And now I’m out of that box, where only small portions of who I am, were allowed to show. 

I know you’re probably reading this and hurting over it. But I don’t want you to be hurt even more then you already are. I never meant to hurt you, or cause you any pain. I’m not quite that cruel. I’m selfish about who I am and the few things I have, that have set me free. 

I’m a fucked up person because of my past, and I am trying to get over it. So far, it’s worked out well. And if how I’m dealing with it, isn’t good enough for you, then you can leave. No one, is ever going to make me feel like I’m not good enough or like I’m too stupid to know how to deal with my own problems. Maybe they’re not the best methods, but hey, I’ve come along way from cutting myself and starving for months. 

I know you feel used and like I don’t love you. But that’s not at all the case. I know how it is to love someone so intensely and with everything you have, and for them to not even think of you while they’re with someone else. Anna did it, and so did Josh. I know what it’s like to have the very fiber that kept you in one piece, to be torn apart brutally and without hesitation. I know how fucked up people are and how much pain they can cause. So no, you’re not going through that. Because if you were, you wouldn’t even talk to me. You know I love you, and that you put me through hell without a moments thought as to what the fuck I was feeling or needing or wanting. I did everything for you except sleep on the floor with the rats, and that was seriously considered for your convenience. 

I’m sorry for this unleashing. But I finally feel like I can be who the fuck I am, without the fear of a fight, or making you upset. I’m looking out for myself and what I want. I don’t want attachments or any restrictions. 

I want to go to New York, get a Black Jack burger with James, and go vintage shopping in the East-village. I want to go to figure out what I want out of life and go for it. I’m tired of spinning my wheels. 

Sorry for the rant. 

Bella-T out.